Graced by death

Seperti biasa, ini adalah pos yang sudah kubuat judul dan konsepnya dari beberapa minggu lalu (Tercatat 8 Oktober)

—- Ok, kemaren gua cuma sempat nulis dua paragraf itu doang πŸ˜…, alasannya karena feels gua akhir-akhir ini lagi gajelas Curiosity… and love

Sebenarnya aku udah punya pikiran ini dari dulu, tapi gua selalu nyoba untuk setting it aside karena jujur, ini pikiran yang bener-bener menakutkan untuk gua acknowledge

Sebelum 8 oktober kemaren, setelah Mind Field di gratiskan, gua binge watch dah semua episodenya. Salah satu episodenya adalah

Itu mengingatkan salah satu pikiran lama gua… tentang ‘kematian’

I will be honest, death is always in my mind, though I always try my hardest to put that thought aside. Tapi kita semua tahu, kita semua akan mati, aku kamu, dia… orang tua kita… our pets…

Sebenarnya konsep awal pos ini adalah tentang gua yang meratapi dan bersyukur akan kematian… tapi setelah gua nonton anime yang judulnya Babylon (Recommended), gua shift perspective gua dikit…

Sedangkan judul dari pos ini, terinspirasi dari Graced by the apocalypse, entah kenapa judul itu stuck aja di kepala gua

Gua maksa diri gua untuk nulis pos ini hari ini… karena hari ini salah satu temen gua harus melewati perjalanan 3 jam (Setelah seharian belajar di event BUILD IT) kembali ke rumahnya untuk ikut ke upacara manusa yadnya (Ngaben?) kakeknya

Saat pertama gua denger kabar kakeknya dia meninggal, gua… kalau boleh jujur… biasa aja? gak juga sih… lebih kayak gua mengalihkan perhatian gua

Lalu besoknya… gua pulang ke rumah buat ngeliat keluarga gua πŸ˜… … so yeah…

Let’s get to the topic…

When I got to home a couple days ago, my father was tinkering with his laptop, he down-graded his laptop from Windows 10 back to Windows 7

This is casual him, and I also do reinstall OS casually… but that event reminded me of one particular memory way back in the past, around 2009-ish, way before I know anything about computer

He bought a new laptop (Fun fact, it is the same laptop I talked about two paragraph ago) with Windows 7 preinstalled… but he downgraded that laptop’s OS to Windows XP (He pays someone to downgrade it)

I got some hypothesis of why he did that, quite a lot actually, but one that particularly stand out is Familiarity Inertia

(A day after, I really need to finish writing this post fast)

Basically what I am saying is, he got so familiar with Windows XP that he want to stay using it

Now days that people are using Windows 10, he got way too used using Win7 that he want to keep using it. Not that big of a deal, so far, I guess

Now let’s get to my grandparents… I don’t know know how to say it properly, but they are blind with technology, like,,, yeah, I don’t know how to phrase it nicely

Trust me… it’s really hard for me to type these feeling out

My grandmother’s health hasn’t been good lately, she got cataract on her right eyes, she is afraid to get far from home. She doesn’t know how the village has change the latest couple months

And here’s another thing, remember this post from last month?

My main reason that I got back then was… my grandmother was going to operation for her cataract (Tho she decided not to do this operation, she is scared of it, understandably)

Why I put those little pieces of stories there? Well… seeing people that I cared and loved got older… is… scary. Almost scarier than myself getting older


I love technology, you know this, I know this, people know that I love technology. I always tried my best to be at the bleeding edge, being the first at anything

Tho, I’ve been changing lately, some conscious choice by myself… I choose to change primary OS from Windows to MacOS for once for example (For context, Apple in my eyes are not the innovative company, they’re the stable one)

Am I getting older?
*Okay, not the shift of perspective I am looking for

What I am saying is, the older we are, the harder it is to adapt to our ever increasing faster changing world

Will I ever be too old to adapt to the bleeding edge of technology, like… maybe I already am?

Losing interest in the things that get me going everyday is… scary


The older we are, the more things we know about the world, we got bored of our ‘boring’ world

Now, here’s another thing.. our life expectancy has getting longer as a species… I don’t quite remember, but it was close to 40 years in 1940 and these days it’s getting closer to 80 years

It’s a good thing, right? Idk. Usually I would say IT IS. But I think I flipped my perspective instead of shifting it today. The longer we CAN live, the older we CAN get, the world would become even more BORING; at which point, what’s the point of living anymore?

Here’s a thing I learned from the anime Babylon, when people are freed to choose to kill themselves, they would do it… (More complex but something like this)

I mean, here’s a question for you, and myself…

What’s the point of living anymore?

What kept you, us, ME?! to stay at this world full of suffering… I mean just couple hours ago I felt my heart broke a bit…

To which I conveniently have answer for that ONE PARTICULAR question… Curiosity and Love, which is conveniently also the one reason it broke my heart

It’s kinda a running theme by today, but this post isn’t getting anywhere near the concept I want this post to be

I think the only reason most people stay fighting in this game called LIFE today is… family, friends, love one, etc… ambition?

People tend to stay away from death, but have u ever feel like, death is actually a good thing?

*Yes, finally the shift of perspective I’ve been trying to find

Death is like a Reset Switch… everything of one’s life would be resetted… (ignoring religion for a bit) you would reborn as a new being… someone, or some’thing’ new… a blank slate, at which point, everything is new for you

The world is boring no more, your physical fitness, your mental state, everything is good as new, BECAUSE IT IS INDEED NEW

You forgot the reason you keep on living in the past life

Have death just graced you?

Writing this really is a weird experience, a roller coaster of a feeling, I want to write things as clearly as I can, but at the same time I want to make it as vague as possible keeping my sanity checked

But the question remained… is death really that bad?~

UPDATE a day after

I forgot to mention something… I always knew about Right for Life, it’s part of basic human right, so I got curious… is there a Right to die last Friday… not the best timing, I was looking into it while in the middle of Religion Class πŸ˜…, next to a girl that may or may not got concerned about my research πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

I wasn’t fully blind before looking into the matter, I know about the DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) thingy… I also know some country allow for death penalty… but how about, how should I put it, right for committing suicide?

I know there’s this thing in the medical industry called assisted suicide, but I know basically nothing about it. Also… do people who committed suicide but survived face any consequences?

Hmm… can’t find … hmmm

Let’s get to other topic for a sec… I notice myself got a bit stressed while writing this post, and a bit more… mean? I guess

So this post took quite a long time to write (Because I wasn’t efficient), while writing I also chatted with my friends at WhatsApp, I noticed that I was a bit mean to them

So… writing about this topic is not the best idea ever


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