Why I hate small creature (That chicks odalan thing)

Chicken, bird, chick, cat, turtle and squirrel. I hate them

You may wondering why I added cat into that list. Especially if you guys know me in real life, you may heard that people call me a cat lover or something

I actually want to write this post in Bahasa Indonesia, but I still struggle referring to myself either with ‘gue’ ‘gua’ ‘gw’ ‘aku’ or something, so let’s keep it in English

One of the latest recent event that will (IMO) made people call me a cat lover or pets lover in general is, that Cross event (Cross is the name of my cat)

Basically, I was in the middle of school exam week, I think it was the final school exam. I, Arya and Galih gathered at Galih as usual in the morning except that I was earlier today (Because I can’t be late in this exam week)

Then around 7AM we walked to school from Galih’s sharehouse, that’s when I found this cat, across the road meowing around people

Btw, that’s why I named my cat Cross, because I had to cross a quite crowded road to ‘save’ it. I planned to write this event more detail in its own post ever since the day I saved Cross, but well, it’s been months and I haven’t write it, so you know…

I will eventually write it, eventually
But the point is, why I said I hate cat? It’s quite simple actually,

I loved them that’s why I hate them

Hari Anugrah indecisiveness 2019

I loved them so much, that I can’t afford to lose them. Last year, as part of my #Depression_Arc, I met a cat I name Crunchy, out of guilt I took care of it, then my mother took it away, which kinda started that whole 6 months of depression thing

It’s really sad, I can’t quite convey it here, how sad I was, how knocked I was because of that Crunchy event

I had a turtle when I was a child, really really young. I can’t quite remember the event, but it ended up with that turtle went under our bed, forgotten, then after a long time had passed we found the turtle, dead

The squirrel, I love that squirrel, I and my brother took care of it, to keep it warm we keep it under a warm blanket at Menten. I don’t quite remember, but it died, supposedly because someone sleep on top of the blanket (Unknowingly)

And the reason I write this post, a regret that I wish I have a time machine to change the course of time, maybe using pym particle or something

So I have… had… this chicks, not really, it’s owned by my grandfather

Earlier this April, or possibly before that. I met this weird male chicks

At the event the toilet I took for granted so probably early April, maybe 3rd of April, in the middle of National Exam event, my father decided to repair our toilet

(I still think it was a really bad timing, one reason we should have dining every night to discuss about this kind of thing)

Because our toilet is out of order, we, I was forced to use my grandparent toilet, which is outside my main house building, which eventually leaded me to met this chicks

I still remember quite clearly the first time I see this chicks, it’s not adult but not really a chicks either, maybe young is a better word to describe it

Why is that chicks so weird? I thought to myself

I don’t quite remember why I said it, but it probably was, I see this chicks trying to approach me, but when I tried to approach it back, it just run, then get back approaching me. Weird.

So yeah, couple days passed, weeks passed, I get out of my way to feed it

Whenever I get inside my grandmother’s kitchen every evening, I will see this chicks outside, seemingly KNOW and UNDERSTAND that I will give it something to eat

I will take a handful of rice, then throw them at it. Or sometimes I will put them near me, I was basically trying to catch the chicks

Which btw, my first regret, now I think about it, I NEVER EVER TOUCH THAT CHICKS, those white feathers, not that I really wanted to touch it, but it’s more like a symbol that it have some relation with me

Then, my second regret

I remember one time when I feeding it, I thought to myself this chicks seems to learn and understand my simple pattern of feeding it

It only need to follow me, when I notice it, I will walk to my grandmother’s kitchen and feed it with some rice. Quite a simple way to asking me for some food

I was really quite blown away with it, by how smart that chicks was, how it figured out a way to ask for food, without me ever teaching it!

(Which now I write it, I always have this thought of a human reincarnating into other form of living being. Was it, this chicks was smart not because it was smart, but because it was a human?! No, hopefully no)

So yeah, I have quite a feeling to this male chicks, I already thought of it as part of my family

BIG MISTAKE

Last week, there was this odalan event in my home temple, 23rd and 24th of April to be specific

On 21st I was busy with re-registration of my college as part of my To College Arc. I went to Jimbaran, I was tired when I got home, on 22nd I was also tired

But I helped my family preparing for this odalan at my grandparent’s kitchen, I helped making seraseraan and tum (Foods)

That’s when I noticed there were some chickens fried there, I looked at them and it kinda reminded me of this chicks

I tried to brush those thought off, I don’t want my thought turned out to be true

Then, after some working, I went around my house looking for this chicks, 404 not found. I was worried

I couldn’t take it anymore, I asked my grandmother about it which then refer me to my grandfather

My grandmother know that I feed this chicks in regular basis, but not my grandfather. He usually away from home whenever I feed this chicks, big mistake

I asked him about it, it took me quite a while to explain which chicks that I meant, then he answered it probably become part of the odalan’s offer

He also took some time to reassure me about that reincarnation thing, if a human eat a chicken, that chicken will become a higher being, like a human for example. So eating a chicken is a noble thing to do

You don’t know how much that knocked me, it pushed me hard, I didn’t cried, I was sad, I was really sad, my eyes are kinda wet right now…

I refuse to accept that that chicks is died, thinking about the possibility really hurt my heart, it does, really

It was a mistake on my part, I never told my family, my grandparent, and especially my grandfather that this chicken is mine, no one should harm it

It’s really sad, I will be honest, I loved it, I loved how weird it was

And the biggest regret of all, I don’t have any picture nor video of it, I haven’t give it name, and I probably will forget about it in a few months

Time will heal this void, but it’s kinda sad on itself

Especially because it’s really easy to avoid it, if only I have a time machine, I will go back and tell everyone that this chick is MINE

So easy, yet so hard, really hard~


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