My (probably) last senior high exam

It’s not that big of a deal

Probably is what in my friends’ mind right now. No, for me, it’s kinda a big deal

I have this conflict in my mind, I would love to end this series of exam, from day to day exam for each subject, to mid-term or is it end of semester exam, to grade up exam, then final exam (USBN) practicum and also the USBN itself, then tomorrow is my last day of national exam

Those are exam that involved my senior high. I already accepted to university via SNMPTN therefore I don’t have to follow UTBK for SBMPTN

Which I both glad to, one of reason I choose UNUD is because I almost certain that I would get accepted and don’t have to study for UTBK

For your information btw, I am so scared of UTBK (Both by lack of information, and the small information about UTBK that I got are mostly bad) that I tried to think of a lot others alternative. Everything but UTBK

But that also leave me with one less senior high exam, thingy… or two

To my knowledge, there’re 8 of my classmates including me who got accepted for SNMPTN, that left 21 of them for other ways around

In those 21, not all of them will go to Community College, I know at least two who would go to a different kind of school (Siti and Shisi)

There’s two chance for UTBK, that is, two more exam, or more like test for my friends’ to go through together, without me

Just kidding, I already paid for the first UTBK (Before the SNMPTN announcement), also I already arranged one Try Out with my friends to compensate because I didn’t register for the second UTBK (Ain’t got money to spare)

My reasoning to my friends is… If I got higher score in UTBK (Science Technology field) or Try Out (Social Law field), I would show it off to my friends’

While in fact, I just don’t want to feel left alone

Which conveniently, 3 days ago I just watched this vid by Casually Explained

Ever since I got to senior high, I often force myself to participate in class events, yeah, forced myself

I am not comfortable in a group of random people, nor that I am comfortable in a bus, or event without a concrete purpose

There’s this one event, going to Dekna’s menek bajang event that unfortunately I had to skip

I skip it because, we would go there in a mini van. I was afraid that I would vomit there (Which proven that I would vomit in a bus in the Menjangan Island event), also with some other paranoia I didn’t participated that event

I regret that…

There’s this thing in citizenship subject and Indonesian history subject, one reason that unite Indonesia back then was, the fact that we had the same history, we struggle through the same problem

If my friend is going some problem, I want to be there to help them, I don’t want to feel left alone

And by tomorrow, our struggle will divert from each other

The thing that unite us, my classmates, is problem that school gave us

I still remember, back in 10th grade, in art subject all, and by that I mean ALL of my classmates struggled doing the traditional Balinese dance

And that, unite us, yeah a bit, but it did

We still occasionally laugh and talk about our art teacher, which to be honest, my opinion about her is kinda mixed, I kinda like her outside of class, but in her class, I was like, NO NO

Yeah, that’s one topic that we talked about. We shared the same experience, the same interest in that event, therefore we have topic to talk about when we met

But now, the tree branches divert from each other

Tomorrow will be the landmark for that. The last day of national exam, the last problem that we struggle through together, the last uniting factor in this ancestor of the branch

From tomorrow, we would share less and less common experience, we would share less and less topic to talk about together

The Clock Freezes for us

When we all meet again, perhaps in a reunion event, all the topic we will talk about is the topic that happen in the past, not in the current

We would talk about the thing that happened back when we all share the common thing together, not the thing that is currently happening to us

Then, the next reunion, we will talk about the same thing again. Hey, remember that time when we….

Then the next reunion, then the next, until eventually we just had enough, we just have nothing left to talk about

It’s not like I don’t want to talk with you guys, it’s just hard to talk without a thing to talk about

I am afraid…

Once, my father’s senior high classmates held a reunion (Which Galih mentioned that his mother is my father’s classmate), but my father didn’t attend…

Yeah…

The longer time passes, the more our path divert from each other, the further our branch from the MRCA

Hari Anugrah

Most Recent Common Ancestor, an evolution term… haha

So yeah, tomorrow is kinda a big deal if you look closely enough

There’s this line from my poetry back in November last year

You guys might not look like thinking about it
You guys just want to spend the rest together
Just like back in the days, without the feel of worry

That is a poetry that I participated in, in a national poetry competition, back in November last year, I use the certificate I received from that competition to ‘argueably’ got to university via SNMPTN

My poetry is in a book, published to maybe hundreds of people, or maybe even thousands. Sejuta Sajak Purple Edition, a poetry from 6 months ago, contain my fear of being separated out of my classmates

So yeah again, tomorrow’s exam is kinda a big deal

Not that I study for it or anything

Tomorrow’s national exam, the last national exam, we got to choose the subject ourselves, I choose Biology out of three subject in natural science

And I, haven’t study anything, like at all for it

Instead I write a post of how big of a deal tomorrow’s exam is, to pass time for studying\

Hmmm…

But in all seriousness though,

Yeah.. the branches go to a different places from each other
Yeah, the path we will walk through is different
Yeah, by keep walking we’re getting further from each other
But that doesn’t change the fact
That we spent 3 years of our life together~