Overcoming PE, and my mind

This morning, according to my school schedule, I have an PE Subject… PE for physical education, so basically sport

Yesterday there were some discussion about what we will have for PE, it was between fitness or shot put?

Damn, tolak peluru in English is shot put, weird name. If I translate tolak peluru literary it would be reject bullet, even weirder

Back to topic,

I always afraid of PE, especially when test for fitness level. I do exercise quite regularly (Except for the last 3 weeks) but I’m not that good at sport

The worst thing is, I compare myself to my classmates. The male student in my class, most of them are fit, they are athlete after all.

I compare myself to them, of course being the nerd that I am, I always lose to them

Not only that, even compared to the female student in my class, I still not better

Sure, I am a bit better than the average girl, but still I am not proud of it

I think most of my stress regarding sport came from the view of society that male suppose to be better than female, especially in sport

And because I am not that good at sport, I got stressed out

Okay, I am not that bad at sport either

To be honest the only things that I am weak in sport is, running, more specifically, endurance

I got pretty good speed, agility etc. But when come to endurance, I am at the worst (At least that’s how I see it)

I am good at learning stuff, it is still apply in sport. For example in Basketball, I am quite proud of my skill, I would say my skill is above average

In table tennis as well, badminton, volley, etc… I think my skills is good

But that doesn’t matter because, I am bad at the very basic, the running part

So, when I know there is a day in PE class where a lot of running is involved… I would feel stressed

More often then not, I will pass that class

The things is, that is just my view, my bad view

I know I can run a long way, like 3 km or so if I pushed my self

But, my emotions, my mind just don’t want me to do it

There is times when I run around the city, which I succeeded, not the first to finish maybe, but I finish it none the less

Yesterday I feel stressed as well

My friends say, there is possibilities there will be fitness stuff today, like running, push ups, back ups, etc

Of course I was stressed out, furthermore… I haven’t been working out the latest 3 weeks

I love jogging, I love running, but when people see I do exercise, I just don’t feel comfortable

And then of course again, I didn’t have a good nice sleep lately… mostly because of to college stuff

I think I just slept for 3 or 4 hours yesterday, I felt so tired, I don’t want to do exercise

But then, I shut down my mind, I disabled my pro vs cons operations inside my mind, and just forced my self to go

Then at the field, I try to distract myself… which helped me to not think about it

Ironic right? The best part of me, my mind, is the one that hold me back the hardest

Then, the clock showed it passed 6 AM, my teacher hasn’t come up yet. My mind forced it way to the front. Should I just go home I thought

I mean, even if my teacher showed up later, that’s not my fault right? He is the one who late, right?

I tried so hard to push that thought out of the way. And at last, my teacher showed up

He said that to start this semester, we will run for as long as possible

I run, the first 2 lap, I am good

The third lap, I started to get tired, my right shoulder feels so bad, I pushed my self

Then the fourth lap, to finish things off we walk to cool our self down,

And of course, the push a bit further principle… I did another lap, walking, for cooling down

At the end, I think I did 5 laps, 3 out of which are running

See, if you just try it, you can do it. The whole possibilities that you can do.

And sometimes, the biggest allies can be the biggest obstacle, my mind