About Amputation

I don’t like talking about something that made me uncomfortable, like cancer and dyingTBC and others too

But this topic is something that I care about, more like I scared about…

I think I got this scared feeling because of a movie, or maybe a couple of movies that I watched in my childhood

PS. Now I understand why child SHOULD NOT watch gore movies

Well, I don’t remember what movie that I watched, but now I’m trying to recall it. It is something about medical stuff, Indian movie? and there’s amputation scene there.

I must have recalled it wrong, but this feeling came from my old thought watching movies

So, this is something I really not comfortable talking about. Until YouTube recommend me this vid

MAY BE UNSUITABLE FOR CHILD UNDER 13

Btw, I think it is kinda cool to talk about your uncomfortableness. She must be uncomfortable talking about her experience as an amputee. And I, inspired by her, want to talk about something I am not comfortable with

Maybe this is because I have a high sense of empathy or just my natural instinct to overthinking thing. But whenever I watch movies, or vids, or stories in general, I put myself on the main character’s shoes

I kinda proud of that skill, the skill to see from others’ perspective. The skill that I use and improve while writing my Disconnect novel

But!

That skill has a lot of downsides, one thing for sure is. I am scared to put myself into MC’s problem.

One thing to illustrate this is. I write a lot of stories in the past. In my junior high (And senior high) I always have the idea to put my MC into suffering

Making the MC suffer doesn’t really scared me, but the thing that made the MC suffer, that’s what I scared of. That is what holding my stories back, back when I was younger

I want MC’s parent to die, simple right. But then when I put myself into their shoes to understand them, I just scared. I love my parents. Idk how to put it into words. But my imagination took over me.

Then, to deal with that feeling. I stopped writing that story, and try to avoid writing stories where the MC’s parent died

You see why it is holding me back?

That empathy, while helping me seeing from others’ pov, also scared the heck out of me

Then I watch movies that contain gore scene. Not really a horror movie, but contain scenes where people got amputated

I, just, feel, uncomfortable. Still to this day, I scared, uncomfortable with those kinds of movies.

One recent movie that I watched, Suzzanna contain this kind of gore scene. A stick went through her stomach…

Damn, even describing the scene felt uncomfortable. TRY NOT TO IMAGINE IT!

That scene, not scary though, made my expression like… shit… idk… I kinda hide myself from watching that scene. I just not comfortable with that kind of scene that could happen in real life

PS. For some reason, a scene of an anime named Another come to my mind… a pointy umbrella, and an eye, You got that…

Then come to
Amputation…

I scared the hell of this. I know there’s a good reason to do this kind of operation. But no! I love my body! Yeah I kinda hate my body, but I love my body… hard to explain

I remember a vid, a vid about a guy whose leg stuck under some remains of building after an earthquake hits. He can’t get himself free, then someone passes near him, that guy can’t help. But that guy gave him this thing, a chainsaw … to get himself free, he needs to… chop… his own… legs

Then I also remember Happy Tree Friends… I don’t want to talk about this. This show that disguise itself as a kids show, traumatize my childhood. Thanks to Komang Tri… f u

Also this… Final Destination, that Azure… my junior high classmates watch in a projector in our class. I hate it with passion… eyes, laser… f me

huft…

Those things really traumatized me. I always tried to keep my body intact… weird to say it

I always try my best to follow traffic rules, except for the time that I can’t

I wear glasses, just to keep my eyes from … sharp… fak. Well, I don’t wear glasses that often…

Yeah, I got sidetracked… I think deep inside… I still don’t want to talk about this topic

But hey, let’s learn some life advice here… something like

The feeling of losing > Never having it

Now you understand that scene from Naruto, where Naruto and Sasuke talked about never having a parent, and losing it.


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