Crunchy and my tragic week

I want to share a weird(and sad experience) that I’ve been through, and all this happened in a span of one week(excluding the intro)

But first, I want you to know Crunchy. A cat that I took care of(or… taken care? It’s should be past perfect, so I was taken care?) and the main motivation behind this post

So on Monday, 25th December 2017, I was stressed out because it was my friend’s birthday. No big deal? No! It’s big deal for me especially because I really bad, like seriously BAD to congrat someone in their birthday(Why? I think I will share it later)

To redirect my attention(in order to reduce stress) I came up with idea… I will just learn a new skill, driving

So, out of the blue, I asked my father to teach me drive a manual car, then I learn for about two weeks. Until January 3rd… something happened

So that day, as usual I learned tk drive a car, from evening to almost night. We went to Penelokan, there, my father told me that he saw a couple of cats or rather kittens on the way there. But I didn’t notice(Attention to the front, hand, and leg, remember I still learning at this point) but since my father told me this, I did feel something strange

Then when we went back to our home, on the way, near the crossroad, 100 meters east from my home (The one with statue), We met another kitten, but here I notice it, because it was trying to cross the road in front of me

So, I slow down, then stop, waiting for the cat to crossovers(Make some traffict jam in the process 😸) then when it crossed, I drove my car to the home… here I feel that someone(I believe it’s god) is trying to tell me something, this thought filled my mind, so I drove quite slowly, while thinking the meaning. The reason that I feel that way is, because I been, and always been love cat, so don’t you think it’s normal to think that god want me to take care of those cats?

Then at Bulakan, like 30 meters east from my house, we met another two kittens. The final encounter. Those kittens walked on the road, here I realized something(When I write this)

I glad that I slow down my car (Usually I drive my car quite fast, especially in a road that going uphill, like this one) but because, my mind filled with that one thought from before, I drive slowly… Here it comes to play. Because it was dark, I just saw the two kittens like from 5 meters away, if I drive like usual, I will crash them. But gladly, I was driving slowly, so I had enough time to stop my car…

(If I killed those kittens, I will definitely crying on the spot, DEFINITELY, then regret and traumatized by that and scared, anxious whenever I meet kitten again while driving car… or just driving in general)

Here is the main problem …
So actually I want to get out from my car, then move those kittens away from the road. But the problem here is, I drive a car, and my father… So I can’t just get out of my car, in this uphill road, especially in the middle of the road, and my father told me, just let them, they will walk away from the road eventually

This is one, so usually, in this kind of situation, I will ignore my father ignorance and just do the thing that I want, which move the kitten… yeah, I’m a bad child, I love arguing with everyone, including my family… BUT the thing that I can’t think of, why didn’t I move those cat, why I follow my father’s order? Was it just because we were in the middle of learning, and I should follow my teacher’s order(which I usually don’t in school) or… was it because of my lazyness… whatever the reason was… I regret this decision

So then I drive my car, slowly trying not to hurt the kittens, then got to garage… here I told my father to park the car… while I checked the kittens (This is my usual behavior)… I was sure that I didn’t hurt those kittens, but I thought I will move those cat anyway… so I walk there, with my phone’s flash ‘cuz it so dark… I walk like 50 meters or whatever… and then

North-east from the temple near my house…where I met those kittens… I cried, in the middle of the night, in the dark, on the middle of the road

I saw a cat, 5 meters east from where I saw it before… someone crash it… I walk slowly, I saw some liquid pouring near it, not sure what was it… was that blood? idk… my tears started to drop and regret filled my heart

I sit next to it, that was the kitten, one that I saw before… it must be crash then thrown here… I cried, I said ‘push, push’ trying to call it, I touched it, I forgot what I felt on my finger, but I will never forgot what I saw

The kitten, slowly turn its head to me, then meowing a couple times (My tears, I want to cry when writing this)… but… then it stopped, I touched it a couple more times, then I saw its poop slowly get out of its butt, here, as a science student I thought poop will get out of its butt, if it wanted to poop or.. its muscles lossen up, its muscle loosen up if it lose its energy, and living being lose energy when it die… I cried even more, for a wild kitten that I met no more than 10 minutes prior

Meow I heard, it caught my attention… there were two of them… where is the other… While crying, I took the kitten, bring it with my right hand… and walk toward the meowing sound. It was from conduit northside of the road, I put the kitten on the side, then jump to the conduit, I took a smaller kitten, a younger kitten I suppose. Then climb up, and put it next to the other… the…

I sit next to them, I don’t know what should I do, my mind filled with regret if only I moved them, was it because my lazyness, why didn’t I acted like should… I feel tons of sin behind my back

the younger kitten keep meowing next to the brother… your brother will not wake up again… I thought in my mind, a thought that I never want to think… I was sad, but slowly I calm myself down

the younger kitten bite its brother’s skin and pull it, like it tried to wake its brother… it didn’t know what happened… here my tears drop again… I cried, harder than before… this is when I realize the two must be siblings… I imagine what moment may they have, happy moment while they playing, and sad moment when its owner throw them away… moment by moment that they must been throught together… but now they will never together again… and I cried, now… I cried way way harder, I didn’t really care the fact that I just turned 17… an early adult that cried like a baby

(omg, when I remember those, I cried, I have sport lesson in 5 hours, it’s already past midnight, and my tears just won’t stop… wetting my bed :’) the rain outside just make the atmosphere feel like that time, a gloomy me crying… )

someone walk toward me, someone that I know, his name is Sangwak, my neighbors, he must be just want to go somewhere when he met someone that cry like a ghost in the dark… ‘What are doing’ he asked me, I told him the summary of the situation

and also… I asked, ‘Should I bury it, in the forest near my house?’ and ‘What should I do with the younger one, I want to take care of it, but my mom will be mad at me for sure’… he tried to calm me down by saying that… ‘this thing happend, it’s normal’ … and I thought if becoming adult mean you will lost empathy, I would rather never grow up…

then someone else come, this one use motorcycle… he stopped near me and said ‘Who own the cat?, I’m the one who crash to it’ he said… I know him, he is the owner of business nearby

I asked ‘How can you crash to it’ then he explain, still on his motorcycle that he was bringing some tiers while riding his motorcycle, when then he saw the kittens, but it eas too late, he said that he can’t avoid them… and crash them, one of them… I do know that, his situation is real, in fact that situation is just like mine, the only difference is that I was driving slowly because of “message”

then he grab the dead kitten, put it in a plastic bag and said “I will bury it, ‘cuz I often on the road” yeah, in our religion, cat is holy animal, therefor killing them is bad.. burying them, at least show that he take the responsibility

I feel relieved a little, at least the kitten now can rest in peace… then I remember that the kitten meowing at me before, and I feel like that the kitten wanted to say something like ‘Please take care of my younger brother’ to me… in his last second

Here, I want the crasher to take care the cat, but he refused, Sangwak refured as well… so I bring it to my home, ignoring that my mom will mad at me (This is what I should do before, do what I want, regret nothing, but somehow I didn’t move the cat) at home, I talk to my grandparent, and told them to take care the kitten. They promised me, I believe in them then I took a shower, a cold shower like I usually do if I feel bad

then near midnight, I heard the kitten meowing, I found the kitten is outside my grandparent’s room, as I guess, I have to take care of it on my own

Actually I feel like, I grateful that the crasher, Sangwak refused, and my grandparent just seems bad at taking care of kitten… ‘cuz I can fulfill the brother kitten last wishes… taking care of its younger brother

I took the kitten, I bring it to the front of my room, here my mom come to me and said ‘Give it to me, I will put it back where you met it!’ as I guess, she mad…

Here, I don’t know what I can do, I thought for a moment, and when the mom want to take the kitten from me… I have no other choice, I don’t want to feel regret for not taking care of the younger kitten, and feel guilt in the rest of my life… then I remember two powerful but bad weapon that I have

I give the kitten to my mom, then I cried so hard, while saying ‘Here the cat, but I thing the guilt that I feel will mess with my school, and possibly make my rank worsen’ yeah… crying is powerful but is a shame to use, and I threat my mom that my achivement will worsen if I lose the cat… two powerful weapon but ashame to use…

so yeah, it endep up… something like this… my mom throw the cat, mad so horribly… but I still achieve my goal… to forced my mom to allow me to take care of the cat

‘Cuz taking care of the cat, is my form of redemption of the sin that I didn’t did that day

and… btw that’s not all the story… there are couples follow up story… that happen a week after this… a story, of my… mental breakfown

* one thing is… I took a picture when the younger cat yelling at its laying brother… and it is saved in my cloud storage… forever… I want to attach it here… but is it ethics? I mean considering the thing that happened to Logan… whatever, I will attach it sometime near future, while writing the follow up story

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